Dear John Letter to Fat
Posted: Thursday, April 22, 2010
by Susan Bourdeau
Dear Fat,
This may come as a big shock to you, but our relationship just isn't working out. I have tried, unsuccessfully, over the past couple of years to adjust to your constant clinging and hanging out, but I'm over you.
I know this change will take some time, so I have set forth a set of guidelines that I need both of us to follow. Change is hard, but in the long run, we will be happier.
2. As you start to fade out of my life, I will buy smaller clothes (yay!). I will notice if you try to sneak up on me. Don't try to convince me that the old clothes are better, I know you are wrong. and don't even think about trying to beef up the new clothes with hidden muffin tops and love handles.
3. I have understood for some time that you are sneaky, so don't try to woo me with aliases such as curvaceous, big boned, husky or meaty. I'm on to your tricks and they will no longer be tolerated.
4. You are no longer allowed to dine with me. I have entrusted a new circle of friends - vegetables, and together we are starting a new heathy eating club that you aren't invited to join. Again, I have to warn you not to try to sneak your way in by means of hiding in salad dressings or sauces. I will turn into your worst nightmare - a label reader!
I know you think I will miss you, but the fact is, our relationship just isn't healthy. the late nights and the lazy days are making me resent you more each day. As the weather gets warmer I want to get out and be active without you. and please don't just go running to the next girl you find and try to hang out. We don't want you, you are bad news.
So now you know, Fat. We will no longer be together. And we will live happily ever after, apart.
Sincerely,
Susan
This Article has been viewed 1,958 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
More commentsHere's the problem, when you break up with a boyfriend, lose a job, or just feel crummy you can feel better by sitting down with some 'Fat', as in chocolate, or pie. When you break up with Fat, now what? I suggest a love affair with the treadmill! Together you can do anything! Very funny article Susan. You go girl!I totally agree, the treadmill and I have been getting pretty close latel. It just seems to understand my goals so much better than the chocolate!Thanks for reading and responding - Susan
Love your "voice" and humorous take on subjects. Keep 'em coming - this reader will certainly read them! Warping it and joining your fan club!Thanks so much Marijo! Love reading your inspirational articles also - Susan
Hi Susan loved the article. Fat needs to be gone if you are to win that marathon in OctYou're not kidding! Although I have no hope of winning, I just want to finish! - Susan
This is so very clever! Well done. And good luck on your marathon.Thanks Linda, it's a daunting task, but that's why I want to do it! - Thanks for reading, Susan
I greatly appreciate the cleverness and humor of your 'Dear John' letter!
Thank you for the article. I enjoye reading your stuff. Friend JackThanks for the comment, I also enjoy your articles ;) - SusanThanks for saying that
This is very funny, Susan! Mr. Fat is clearly a bore. Get a divorce! Make it legal! Good luck with the marathon....Jennifer
Susan this was a very delightful article. I love it and it is absolutely true. Good luck with the marathon.
Nice article, vey inspirational. Great job!!
Thanks for the uplifting humor...it's a real treat!
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